Sunshine through the Rain

As I sit and look out the window seeing the rain pour outside, I feel the sunshine on my face (even though it is dark and gloomy).  

My last post was a dark one and I wanted to come back and share with you that I believe there are brighter days ahead and can even start feeling them.  I have not been the best Christian lately.  I am ashamed to say I have not been reading Scripture or even spending much time in prayer.  As I have withdrawn from people the last few weeks, I am afraid to say I haven't even let God in.  The worst place to be.

I know God is still RIGHT here next to me just waiting.  He knows that I am being stubborn trying to hold on, while I know it is really not in my hands and he is just waiting for me to admit I need Him.  

I feel His presence.  I feel His love... I see God in the birds flying outside.  I see his glory in the wind blowing the trees back and forth.  

You see, my problem with God is that I want to be God.  I want to be in control and I get angry when He isn't giving me what I want.  Frustration comes when people say to just draw closer to God... when I am hurt by the way I feel He has led my life.  Like I deserve something better.  That is pretty embarrassing to admit and I know I am wrong. 

Christians are still human and sin, which I need to give myself grace for.  The word of the day is humility.  I have to fall down on my knees (once again for the millionth time) and admit to the Lord that I need to let go and give it over...  the best part is that He is waiting with open arms and a HUGE smile on His face.  I love His Character.

I seriously have had this song on repeat today and the words speak beautifully to how I feel when I fall down on my knees to Christ.  

Plumb "Need You Now (How Many Times)"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pgfkb35GJF8

Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
'Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
I need you now