This song brings many emotions to me in this season of my life. Many of you have been amazing support and been following my infertility journey. As you know, the past several years have been dedicated to finding a solution for an answer to my prayers. Every part of me has been focused to research, daily to weekly doctor appointments, alarms on my phones 3-4 times/day to take meds/shots, and doing everything possible to make it work. Emotionally, physically and spiritually I became spent (I guess I should add financially too!).
And it had to stop. The obsession was destroying me and I am now in a season of finding myself again.
October is the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss month, which means the support network I have built up has flooded my Facebook newsfeed with blogs and facts, etc. This time last year I was also pregnant with my 2nd ectopic baby, which makes the"On This Day" something I want to avoid. Now that I have not been focused on my infertility journey it has become so apparent how much of my life was obsessed with this. Not saying I don't want to be a part of this amazing community, because I do! I more than anything want to always be involved. But..... I need to find me again.
I share this blog for 2 reasons--- 1) I wanted to respond to the requests for an update and 2) to call out that anything good or bad can become unhealthy and shouldn't consume our lives.
Some of you might not agree with my decision to be "selfish" and might not understand my journey. Heck, I don't even always understand! Many of my friends have seen me withdraw from them because I simply can't be around babies or pregnancies right now and I am hoping they are not upset with me.
As Adele put's it-- "I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet" and currently rediscovering it.
