Monday, May 25, 2015

I Said Peace? Are You Sure?

The past several days (let's just say 6 days since) have been full of the same questions about every five minutes.  Well unless I am sleeping. But otherwise I am fully consumed with... "Did it work?" then "I don't think so"... "but maybe it did!"... driving myself insane!!!

I probably won't have a real answer until Friday, which is about 4 days from now. I might go crazy.  

I have no idea if I am supposed to be strong in believing that God will fulfill the desires of my heart or if I am supposed to prepare myself for the option of things not working.  That is probably why I go back and forth, back and forth, all day long.

I have gained a TON of weight throughout this process.  Not only have I been on bed rest so I have been the laziest sloth, but I have been trying to distract myself by eating.  Or my anxiety makes me eat.  All of the above.  And then on top of everything my body is super bloated from the meds. 

If this doesn't work, I don't know how soon I can go through all of this again.  But I can't even let my mind go there.

This must be a test to see how people respond to times like this... why else would God make us patiently wait to find out results? UGHHGHGHGHHGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHG

Can you sense my impatience and frustration?

Deep breaths. One. Two. Three.  

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